Sheets, showers and losing your sh*t!

"My way is just different, it's not wrong" is something hubby said to me recently.

This is on the back of me deciding that the shower needed cleaning at 10.15pm at night when I should have been going to bed.

Turns out, he'd already cleaned the shower the day before.

One of the biggest things I've had to come to terms with in being the primary breadwinner is that things aren't done 'my way' when it comes to the kids or the house.

I've never been that pedantic about cleaning, but what we've discovered over the past few years is that we value different things when it comes to cleanliness.

I value clean bathrooms and a floor that's not covered in dog/cat hair.

In the early days we'd fight like cats and dogs (hahaha, pun intended:)) over things like this.

But it's only been in the last few years that we've managed to stop (ok, reduce) these types of issues causing friction between us.

Because did you know what he said when we sat down to talk about it?

"All you ever do is tidy or clean the actual house. You'll put cleaning the bench ahead of making lunches or vacuuming the floor over shopping for groceries. Your things don't really matter."

Ouch!

I'd never looked at it that way before and I hated to admit that he was right.

It's true, I can't do anything in the kitchen unless the bench is clean first. And yes, I rarely notice that we're running low on milk because I struggle not to cringe at the wool-sized fur balls floating across my floorboards.

What I've realised is that we have different priorities, and that's ok.

Working through this process, and it is a process, has cleared the air. We now have a frame to have conversations about how often the vacuuming really should be done, what is acceptable in terms of sheets being changed and realistic expectations of each of us given how many hours we're at home.

Not only has it cleared the air, but so much of my anger and resentment towards him has evaporated. I no longer cringe when I see a fur ball floating across the floor as I often look up and he's making lunches.

If you feel like you're lowering your standards and that your household needs a conversation about expectations, tread cautiously! I speak from experience when I say if you go into the conversation in the wrong frame of mind it will quickly descend into a blame game of epic proportions with you both trying to tally up points for who is doing the best job.

That's not going to end well.

Before you have that conversation, book in some time to talk to me first! We'll get clear on how to better manage expectations and see what other issues may be bubbling under the surface and coming out in arguments about sheets and showers. I promise it will be enlightening!