Balance & Beyond Podcast

When love and business collide, the fallout can be a force to reckon with.

Jo found herself at the heart of such a storm, facing the gut-wrenching decision to fire her husband from managing her business finances. His scarcity mindset was dampening her entrepreneurial flame, and she knew something had to change. In an honest and emotionally charged recount, she takes you through the intricate dance of personal relationships entwined with professional endeavours. Learn from her journey how to fiercely protect your vision and the emotional energy that fuels it.

This episode isn't just about keeping business afloat; it's about the undercurrents of emotional energy that can either drown us or lift us to new heights. Jo delves into the potent ability of our emotions to shape our environments and the people within them. It's a rallying cry to align with the vibrations of hope and love, to become the dominant force in our own lives and, by extension, in others'. Discover the art of boundary-setting not just as a form of self-defence but as an act of empowerment. Join Jo as she champions the belief in our own influence, inspiring you to become harbingers of positivity and success.

Episode Transcript

INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for ambitious women who refuse to accept burnout as the price of success. Here, we’re committed to empowering you with the tools and strategies you need to achieve true balance, where your career, relationships and health all thrive, and where you have the power to define success on your own terms. I honour the space you’ve created for yourself today, so take a breath, and let's dive right in…

A year or so ago, I fired my husband. This wasn't because of poor performance and it didn't result in a divorce. However, I fired him for a reason that many people don't understand. And they don't understand the impact that is having on all areas of their life. My hubby, Mick, was my accountant. He did all my books, and helped me with some back-end pieces. However, what was happening was, because he was on the back-end of the business, he was moving cash around, and paying credit cards, and these types of things, but I found that he was getting into an energy of scarcity. 

What do I mean by this? Because, being an accountant and my husband, he has a very strong negativity bias. He's very tuned to focus on what's wrong, what's missing, what might happen if this isn't plugged, and it serves him well as an accountant. That's what they are here for. That's what we want them to do. However, as an entrepreneur, and an internal optimist, I very much didn't want to have those conversations. And I found that, in him being a part of my business, the one thing that he was impacting that I hadn't realised was having such ramifications across all areas of my life, he was impacting my energy.

And I don't mean energy as in, “Oh my gosh, I was so exhausted, but here’s perspective.” What I mean by energy is, he was vibrating in emotions of scarcity, and fear, and what if, and catastrophising. And that was something that was impacting my emotional state. I am somebody who, for a number of reasons, can often pick up on the worries of others. I'm not typically a great worrier myself. However, if people around me are worrying, you could call it a skill, or you could call it a curse. I would pick up somebody else's worry, and then I would amplify it, and I would extend it, and I would make it my own. And so, what was happening? 

As I had somebody who was paying credit card bills, and would then get into “Oh my gosh, is there enough cash there?” And Mick would usually vibrate in these disempowering emotional states, so it would really rock my mindset. And when somebody is vibrating in these particularly low states, what you will find is they're very, very easily triggered, and they can very much focus on what's not enough, or what’s not going to get fixed. 

Let's say, I got a new client, and I'd celebrate that, he'd be like, “Oh, that's only whatever number for the month”, and so he could not get himself out of this emotional state. This is not a criticism of him. This is not that he's done anything wrong. It's simply understanding his nature. I share this story from the importance of understanding, “What are other people around you going through?” And what do you have to do to protect yourself from the energies of others? 

Because his energy started polluting mine, his doubt started putting doubts in my own mind. And when you're an entrepreneur, you cannot be paralyzed by fear, because then that is the only way that you can guarantee your business is not going to be successful. Being an entrepreneur takes courage every single day. It takes having belief where there is no evidence. It's about making fast decisions, and not having any regrets. 

And if you've got somebody around you who is second guessing, and questioning that pollution literally drags you down, it drags down your vibration, and it makes it very difficult for you to stay positive, and to stay optimised, and to really stay focused on being that trailblazer. The reason a lot of people are not suited to entrepreneurship is because they can't get themselves in that mindset. 

And again, this is no slight on my husband. I will say that if you're gonna fire your husband, a hint on how to do it is best to be naked. That's always a good way to make that go down easier. However, what I wanna draw attention to is for you to understand what are you doing to protect your energy and your vibration from people around you? 

Now, granted, you can't always. Some people are married, or have birthed people who are inherently negative, or maybe that's what their upbringing has been and what their parents are, and it can be very easy to be sucked in by that and you think, well, I can't leave, kind of my childhood, and they're impacting my vibration. So, this is about how do you really build some boundaries and how do you learn to cultivate the emotional state that you want?

Another lesson that came from this experience, and when we talk about protecting our energy, sometimes if we have somebody in our world who is, let's say, more negatively inclined that you would like, there is a chance that, in cutting off their worry, or wanting to not be touched by whatever they're feeling, we end up abdicating an area of our lives. Or, an area of ourselves, that we actually need to take some more responsibility for. 

And in this, I meant that for me when I was, let's say, outsourcing the financial health of my business to my husband, because my rationale was, “He's an accountant.” “He knows this stuff, he better understands that.” “He's qualified.” “Who am I?” “I'm not an accountant.” “I don't know how to do all these things.” It was very easy for me to say, “You know what, if he's shuffling money around, while things might be, you know, tight from a cash flow perspective for a particular month, not my problem.” “He can deal with that.” 

But the reality was, I was not taking full responsibility for all aspects of my business. But there's a clear difference here, between taking full responsibility, and doing everything yourself. So, I'm not suggesting that you have to pull everything about your life, and only do it yourself. There's this thing called outsourcing. There's this thing called having staff, and having others help you. 

However, what I was doing in abdicating these tasks, is I was also abdicating the responsibility, and what me firing him did was, I had to actually take extreme ownership for all parts of my business. And this is what I really encourage you to do, is to take extreme ownership of all aspects of your life, not just your business, or your work, or your parenting, but your life as a whole. 

Where you can say, “Look, it's not always my fault.” “This is not about blame, but where, perhaps, have I not managed cash flows optimally as I could?” “Where, perhaps, do I need to better smooth out my cash flow?” Or what are some other strategies I can put in place to ensure that maybe my business isn't as lumpy as it was at that point in time? And so, by taking full accountability, and saying you know what, I am responsible for this. 

Again, there's a difference between blame and responsibility. Sometimes, it's not always my fault. But, I'm responsible for changing it, for amending it, for making it as optimal as it can be. So, I then took responsibility. I had to learn a lot of things. I had to lean on my paid accountant to help me get up to speed on systems, and software, and, yes, it took some time.

But, magic started to happen when I was able to fully put my arms around the business and say, “I'm gonna own all its challenges.” “I'm gonna grow up, put my big girl pants on, and I'm gonna work through this.” And the shift that this made in our relationship, when I wasn't then shutting him out, because in trying to navigate his energy, sometimes with all people in your life who are going through this, it can be easier to almost cut them off altogether. It's like, well, I don't want a bar of that person. I'm gonna distance myself from them. 

Obviously, not good when that is an intimate partnership, because it's not good when you cut anybody off. Now, bear in mind, full disclaimer, he's not a negative person everywhere. Just, he's got some weeds in his garden around money, and how that has to happen, and he's done a lot of work on it since, which is amazing. But, I still haven't hired him back, because I have worked out that I need to protect my energy, at all costs. 

I have to ensure that I am around people who are vibrating in a state of possibility, who are vibrating in a state of certainty, and this is what matters. They say that you are the sum total, or the average of the five people that you spend the most amount of time with. So, this encourages the question for you, of who are you surrounding yourself with? Are you surrounded by people who are negative, who poo poo every ID you have, who cut you down, who give voice to the critic, that's already in your own head?

Or, are you surrounded by people who are opening up to possibility, who are vibrating, and on a level of positivity and courage, and acceptance, and love, and exponential opportunity? This doesn't just have to be in a business context. You know what it's like.

If you were to go for a walk with a friend, and that friend spends the entire time you're together whinging about their children, or their boss, or their husband, or their partner, and you're trying to go, “Oh, you come back from that interaction feeling heavy, because you've usually absorbed some of their negativity.” You've absorbed some of that emotion, instead of being with that friend that makes you excited for life, who helps raise your vibration, who helps you stand in truth, who helps you stand in positivity, and love, and possibility. 

You've been in those conversations and you know the difference that it can make to who you become, makes a difference to your behaviors, because the emotional state that you're in is a big contributor to the thoughts that you have. If you're feeling defeated, and sad, and overwhelmed, do you think you're going to come up with a great idea? Do you think you're going to come up with the next opportunity, or are you going to come up with a way to make this simpler? Are you going to find joy in the moment? Because, no, it's all rubbish, I’m never going to change. I'm trapped. 

You've got to find a way to hold boundaries, and protect yourself from those people who are negative. Obviously, where you can, where you can't avoid them, with their parents or children or partners, you want to do your best to help them, see perhaps some more positive emotions. But, you have to take responsibility for yourself. If you are surrounded by emotional vampires, if you are surrounded by people who are perhaps swimming more in some of this disempowerment or negativity, you have to learn to protect yourself. 

You have to learn to find those people who can see that side of you, who don't cut you down, and when you can do that, that makes all the difference. It means you will step into the future. It becomes soul nourishing, it becomes life giving. You will never under-appreciate what it's like to be around people who play in the realm of magic and miracles, who play in the realms of possibility. 

And yes, sometimes life is crap. I get that. Bad stuff happens to good people, and it is not fair. But you have a choice to how you react to that. You have the choice as to whether or not that's going to bring you down. I talked to my clients about this thing called “the poo pond”, where, when it all feels like it's gone to shit, you chuck yourself in the poo pond. Be on a lift there. You don't wanna swim in that. 

Yes, sometimes we intentionally throw them in there, because they need to deal with some stuff. We hand them a pinnacle ladder, and we put them on one of those cool flamingo floaties, and we punch on some music. Like, let's make the poo pond fun. But, let's not stay in there too long. Let's get you out of it. Let's get you vibrating at a state of potentiality, and acceptance. Let's eliminate all the suffering that comes when we live in scarcity, when we live in worry, when we live in overwhelm. Because, that's not the way to live, and that energy will pollute everything in your life. 

So today, I encourage you to think about, “Where is your energy being sucked by vampires around you?” “Where do you need to hold a boundary that's going to protect you from somebody who isn't serving you?” “Is there any relationship that you need to reevaluate?” Maybe, it might be one that, biologically, you can't cut off. But, “What do you need to do to fill your own cup?” “What do you need to do to fill yourself with hope, with positivity, with love, with acceptance?” 

So that when these people are around you, you can learn to put up those boundaries, you can almost learn to put up a glass wall. So, when they're trying to project their scarcity onto you, or their fear onto you, it's like, it hits the wall, and it slides right off. It doesn't ever actually hit you, because you've got almost like this bubble of light around you, so they can say what they want. 

They can try to throw emotions at you. They can project on you, but you can stand here, feeling positive, having faith, knowing that you're all going to be okay. And that is something, the more I have cultivated, the more you influence others. Instead of me picking up on my husband's scarcity, he's picked up on my confidence. He's picked up on this deep sense of trust and faith that I have, that it's all going to be okay, and a lot of his scarcity is now washing through. 

It’s important for you to understand that the stronger emotional state will always absorb the weaker one. So, the person who is vibrating in, I don't want to use the word “harder”, but more fully in alignment with scarcity, and their mind, body, and spirit are in scarcity, well then, they are vibrating almost at a greater volume than your, “It's going to be okay.” “I'm sure it's going to be okay.” They will absorb you. Like Pac-Man, they will suck you up. 

But, when you can vibrate in hope, when you can vibrate in love, and you can get yourself into these emotional states, you become the benchmark. You become the dominant power in the room, you become the dominant energy, and then you can impact others. You can infiltrate their field, you can make them think differently, you can make them feel differently, and that is when you become incredibly powerful. 

This is what is so often at playing in life. It's not the words we say, it's the energy we bring to the words. It's the person that is behind the words, and the more you can master this, the more you can protect yourself. The more you can fill up your cup, the more powerful and impactful and influential you're going to be in all areas of life. That is what I want for you. I want you to have infinite energy. I want you to feel it all up. I want your soul to be alive. I want your spark to be back. 

And so today, the question I ask you is where are people in your life, vibrating in a way that doesn't serve you? Is there someone you need to fire? Is there a boundary you need to erect? And, how can you stand knowing that the more you trust yourself, the more you have faith in yourself, the more you can get in alignment, the more that is going to infiltrate everybody around you. I want your energy to be contagious, because that is what makes life worth living. 

OUTRO: Thank you for joining us today on the Balance and Beyond Podcast. We're so glad you carved out this time for yourself. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might need to hear this today. And if you're feeling extra generous, leaving us a review on your podcast platform of choice would mean the world. If you’re keen to dive deeper into our world, visit us at www.balanceinstitute.com to discover more about the toolkit that has helped thousands of women avoid burnout and create a life of balance, and beyond. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll see you next time on the Balance & Beyond Podcast.