Congratulations! You got the promotion. The title, the pay rise, the recognition you worked for. So why does it still feel like you're trying to prove something? Like you have to earn it all over again every single day. Here's what no one tells you. The proving doesn't stop when you get the thing. It just changes shape.
Before the promotion, you had a strategy. "Let me prove I'm ready. I'm going to work harder than anyone else." Maybe you stayed later, learned those boundaries. You're going to deliver faster. You're going to be flawless. Leaning into over-functioning, over-preparing, over-delivering. And it worked. Well done. You got the job. But then something happened. The promotion landed. And instead of feeling like, ta-da, I've arrived at the next level. You felt behind.
Like now that you'd got the promotion, you had to prove that you deserved it. You had to prove that they didn't make a mistake, that you're actually now good enough for this level, that you've earned that seat at the table that you fought so damn hard for. So you keep doing what worked before. Head down. Under-promise, over deliver. Prove my value every single day.
But here's the problem: the pattern that got you the promotion in the first place is now the thing keeping you stuck in it. Let me show you what this looks like in real life. You've got the promotion, but now you can't stop working late or checking your emails after dinner. Everyone else is logged off, but you're still there. Logged back on at 10:30. Not because the worker requires it. You know that at your level, you don't have to be doing this anymore.
But it feels safer to be the one who is on top of things. You're just getting ahead for tomorrow. Just getting back to that thing right now so it's not in my head all night because you don't want to be the one who drops the ball. You redo other people's work. Someone on your team, your new team, yay, congratulations. They submit something. It's fine, it's good.
But it could do with a little polish. They don't quite understand the context. Oh, there's a bit of politics going up here. Let me just let me fix up some formatting and some spacing. And that tone just needs a little bit here. Not because they got it wrong, but because you're now paranoid about the standard that you think you have to keep that is attached to your name. So your perfectionist rages. You don't delegate as much as you need to. You have a team, yep, but you're still doing the work yourself.
Not because they can't handle it, they're very capable, but nah, they they don't quite do it as well as you, and they're not as fast. And a few things are slipping through the cracks, and you're worried that maybe it might reflect badly on you. Still really easy to say yes to everything. Well, now I'm at this level. I've got even more exciting things to sink my teeth into. There's more projects. Oh, there's this meeting. Oh, I want to know what's going on there.
Another thing, attitude plate. That's all right. I'll delegate it because you know you're already maxed out, but you say yes. But that's right, I can't delegate in the first place. So I better just work late and I'll get on top of it. But saying no or saying that you're maxed out feels like you're admitting that you can't handle it. You can't handle the pace at this level. And you need to prove to them that you can operate this level.
You can, you can handle the pressure, you can handle the workload. And then you still carry some of those more junior traits into your next level. Sorry to bother you. Just checking in. Sorry to follow up. You're not actually sorry. But the apology softens your ask. It makes you more palatable, better, easier to get along with. It makes you nice. It makes you less demanding because you don't want to be one of those people who gets to that next level and then turns all dragon lady on you.
These aren't personality traits. They're proving behaviors, the sneaky ways that this comes with us from one level to the other. And every single one of these ways is costing you more than you know. So here's what happens when you're stuck in proving mode. Well you can't lead strategically enough because you're too busy stuck in the weeds and trying to prove that you've got your finger on the pulse and you know what's happening with your new team and you've restructured, and then it's not going to take too long before you start getting feedback that, oh, you're not as strategic as we thought you'd be.
You need to get out of the weeds. You can't delegate effectively because letting go feels like losing control. So you better do it yourself. And then you worry stepping into this next level about being one of those people that now gets a really big ego. Because you've seen people in your career that get promoted and suddenly walk around like they're the bee's knees and they've forgotten to connect to the ordinary people. So you're you're gonna you're gonna be everyone's friend. I better not toot my own horn, I'll just keep myself small. And you continue to exhaust yourself at a level that no one actually asked for.
Because no one else is keeping score except you. You got the promotion. They already decided you're good enough. The only person still questioning that is you. Because you are running a race that no one else is watching, and you're the only one who can't stop. The shift to break this once and for all is not to work less because you're you're just gonna feel guilty. It's not to lower your standards.
Oh, heaven, no, I would never ask you to do such a thing because that's not the issue. And I'm not gonna tell you to fake it till you make it and believe in yourself more, because that's just too vague to be useful. The shift is you have to stop treating your value like it's something you have to re-earn every day. You already earned it. The promotion is proof. The work is now learning to hold your value without constantly demonstrating it. It's not mindset work.
This is deeper work. So here's what I want you to do: I want you to notice the behaviors, the late nights no one asked for, the yes that slips out before you could catch it, the tweaking or finessing of someone else's work, the apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong, and ask yourself who am I proving this to? When that voice in your head says, You've got to show that you deserve to be here.
Well, nine times out of ten, you are trying to convince yourself that you belong, that you're worth it, and that you're enough. Start acting like someone who already belongs, not someone who is still auditioning. You got the promotion. You don't need to keep proving you deserve it. You already do. The only person who doesn't believe that yet is you. And that, my friend, is the work.
OUTRO: Thanks for joining me today. If this episode resonated, share it with a woman who needs to hear it. And if you want to be part of the Ripple Effect, leaving a review helps it reach the women it's meant for. I'll see you next time.
