Balance & Beyond Podcast
Episode Summary
#142: You Have Time. You're Just Spending It on Sand
You can be flat out from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep and still feel like nothing that matters is getting done
We’re talking about why that happens, and why “I need more time” is often the wrong diagnosis. The real issue is what your life is full of, and how the small, noisy stuff expands until it crowds out the big, quiet priorities.
We use a simple metaphor that lands hard: a jar filled with rocks, pebbles, and sand. Sand is the constant stream of emails, meetings you do not need, fixing problems that are not yours, redoing work instead of coaching, and filling every gap in your calendar to prove you are working. It is not evil, but it is addictive because it delivers quick wins and a dopamine hit. The catch is brutal: sand creates more sand. The more reactive you are, the more interruptions you attract, and the further you drift from the work that would actually move your career, relationships, and wellbeing forward.
Then we name the rocks: strategic thinking, the difficult conversation you have been avoiding, the meaningful project that is important but not urgent, real rest that restores you, and being present with the people you love. Rocks do not scream for attention, so in a loud world they get postponed, sometimes until you cannot even remember what your rock is anymore. The practical shift is straightforward: put the rocks in first, and before you say yes, ask whether the request is sand or a rock. The key question is not “Do I have time?” but “Is this worth giving my time to?”
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Episode Transcript
INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for women who've outgrown the old model of success. The ones who look fine on the outside but know the way they've been living no longer fits. If you're standing in the space between who you were and who you're becoming, this is for you. I honour the space you've created today. Let's dive in!
Time is the number one thing women tell me is holding them back. Not confidence, not skills, time. And I get it because it feels so true. There aren't enough hours in the day. There is so much to do. Something always gets forgotten. But here's what I've noticed: it's not actually a time problem, it's a sand problem.
Let me explain. There's a beautiful story about a jar, rocks, pebbles, and sand. You have rocks, the big things that matter most. Pebbles are smaller, but still important. And sand, everything else. If you put the rocks in first, you can scatter pebbles around them. And then you can fill it all up with sand. Everything fits. But if you fill the jar with sand first, there's no room for the rocks or the pebbles.
Most women are filling their lives with sand and then wondering why there's no time for anything that matters. So what does sand look like? Well, checking emails first thing in the morning, saying yes to meetings that you probably don't need to be in, redoing work that's already good enough, filling every gap in your calendar, fixing problems that aren't yours. They're not bad things. They're part of your day, I get it, but they are not rocks.
And if your entire day is sand, you'll end every single day exhausted, behind, and wondering why nothing that mattered actually got done. This is what I hear all the time. "Jo, I'm so busy from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, but I'm behind!" "I'm not where I want to be." "I'm stuck on this treadmill." And here's what makes sand so dangerous.
Sand creates more sand. You say yes to a meeting you don't need to be in. Now you're behind on the work you were supposed to do. So you work late and do that work on the couch, which means you're exhausted tomorrow, which means you're reactive instead of strategic, which means you then sit in more emails because it makes you feel a bit better and get more of a dopamine hit, which means then you're stuck in more fires, which gets you more sand.
You redo someone else's work because it's faster than actually coaching them through it, because you don't have the emotional headspace to do that. So now they're dependent on you. Next time they come back, it takes more of your time, more sand. You fill every gap in your calendar because you don't want it to look like you're not working hard enough. And now you always respond really quickly.
So if you don't answer someone straight away, they'll ping you again looking for an answer because you've trained them how to treat you. More meetings, more emails, more sand. Sand doesn't just fill your time, it creates the conditions for more sand. And before you know it, you're drowning in it and going, "Oh my God, I'm not spending time on what matters to me!"
So if that's the sand, what then are the rocks? Well, your rocks are the things that actually move your life forward. The strategic thinking time that always gets pushed for just one more email. The difficult conversation you've been avoiding that's actually going to address a performance issue.
The project that might actually grow your career, but it's not urgent, so it always gets pushed. The rest that might actually restore you, not the collapse on the couch doom scrolling kind, and the relationship where you actually put your phone down and finally be present. Rocks don't give you immediate feedback. You can't tick them off a list, but they're things that six months from now you'll wish you made the time for.
And this is the thing about rocks. They don't feel urgent. They feel important, but not urgent. So they're really easy to push. That meeting feels urgent. The fire you're putting out is urgent. The meaning, everything, this thing someone else asked of you feels urgent.
But the rock, the strategic thinking, the difficult conversation, the rest. "I don't have time to rest." "Have you seen how much I've got to do?" "They've been waiting this long." "What's one more day?" And that's how six months go by. And the rocks are still sitting there outside your jar, going, "Hello, hello, relationship." "Hello, rest."
But the rocks don't scream at you. Sand does. Sand is really loud, but the rocks are quiet. And in a world where everything is always screaming for your attention, the quiet things get forgotten. And the pebbles, the smaller but still important things like calling a friend, going for a walk, making time for something that brings you joy, remember that? Will they get pushed too?
Because if there's no room for the rocks, then there's definitely no room for the pebbles. Sand will just fill every single gap. So why do you keep choosing sand even when you know it's not the most important thing? It's because sand feels safe. It's predictable. You get a dopamine hit when you tick that little bugger off the list.
Send the email, done, tick, your system goes, yes. You feel competent, you feel productive, you're needed and useful. And when your identity is all wrapped around being a get shit done person and getting lots of outcomes, well, sand aligns with that. Rocks are harder.
They require you stepping into uncertainty, discomfort, because you don't know how that conversation's gonna go. You don't know what's left of the relationship that you've neglected for so long. So, oh look, something needs me. Let me just take that off my list. And it's so much easier to feel better instead.
When your identity is tied to output and getting shit done, you will always choose sand. And that's why you get stuck on this treadmill of being busy all the time, never having enough time, but not actually getting anywhere in life. And here's what happens when you live like this for long enough.
You start to forget who you are outside of what you do. You become the person who's always busy, always behind, always one email away from catching up. And somewhere along the way, you stop knowing what you actually want. You only know what needs to be done, what other people need, what's urgent, what's on fire.
But the rocks aren't just tasks, they're pieces of your life. The strategic work is you thinking, not just executing. That difficult conversation is you leading, not just managing. And crucially, the rest is you existing, not just producing. And when your life is full of sand, you lose yourself in it, not dramatically, but quietly, until one day you wake up and realize I don't even know what my rock is anymore.
It's a confronting place to be, but it's where a lot of women find themselves, uncertain, uncomfortable, not knowing what they actually want. And at that time, it's so much easier to look back at your list and find something to tick off. Because that feels like success. It feels like control, even when you know it's just more sand.
So, here's how you shift this. Not by working less, doing the whole smarter, not harder thing, not time blocking, these strategies aren't going to work. You put the rocks in first. That's right. Simple, but not necessarily easy. Before you say yes to anything, ask yourself: "Is this sand or is this a rock?" The meeting, the task, the favor, the interruption - "Is this sand something that fills time but doesn't actually build anything?" "Or is this a rock?" "Is it something that actually matters?"
Most of the time, you will know immediately. And if it's sand, of course you can still say yes. You still have to cook dinner, you still have to respond to emails, you still have to go to meetings. But do it with your eyes open. You're choosing sand, and that means the rocks will wait. But at some point, you have to decide that I'm making time for the rocks.
Because the question isn't, "Do I have time for this?" Because the answer is universally no. The question is, "Is this worth giving my time to?" Because your time's already full. The only question is, "What's it full of?" So, you don't have a time problem. You have a sand problem. You're filling your life with things that feel productive, but leave you empty. And there's no room left for the rocks. So, this is your question. What's your rock today? Are you gonna make the space for it? Or let the sand win again.
OUTRO: Thanks for joining me today. If this episode resonated, share it with a woman who needs to hear it. And if you want to be part of the Ripple Effect, leaving a review helps it reach the women it's meant for. I'll see you next time.
