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You can be wildly capable and still feel like your life doesn’t fit anymore. If you’re the woman who keeps everything running, explains yourself three times, softens your truth, and carries everyone else’s emotional load, this conversation will hit. I’m Jo Stone, and I’m sharing the real reason so many high performing women feel stuck: it’s not a lack of tools, it’s loyalty to an identity that once kept you safe and now keeps you small.

We unpack “Friday Night Jo”, the version of me who stops cushioning, stops apologising in advance, and just says the thing. What shocked me wasn’t backlash, it was relief. Directness took less energy, not more, and it became more useful for my clients because it landed cleanly. We talk about over responsibility, people pleasing, and the fear under the fear: if you stop being the helper or the reliable one, what if the version that emerges is “too much”, selfish, or a bad mum?

You’ll also hear Lindsay’s story and her “Crazy Craft Lady” identity shift, a grounded example of how confidence and boundaries aren’t a performance, they’re a bridge back to who you actually are. We call out the most believable trap of all, “not a good time”, and why ready isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision. If you’re searching for balance, burnout recovery, better boundaries, and a way to feel like yourself again, this is your nudge.

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Episode Transcript

INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for women who've outgrown the old model of success. The ones who look fine on the outside but know the way they've been living no longer fits. If you're standing in the space between who you were and who you're becoming, this is for you. Honour the space you've created today. Let's dive in. I want to tell you about two versions of me. There's the version that explains everything three

Two Versions Of Me
Jo Stone (Host) 0:36
times, cushions it, softens it, apologizes before it before everyone's even reacted. And then there's Friday Night Joe. Friday Night Joe comes out when a friend turns up with a bottle of wine, and I've run out of fucks for the week. Friday Night Joe says the thing. She doesn't cushion, she doesn't apologize, straight between the eyes. This friend of mine used to turn up with wine and a box of tissues because she knew exactly what was coming. For years I was scared of stepping into Friday Night Joe. And when I finally claimed it and named her, I even then told myself, well, I couldn't possibly bring Friday Night Joe to my clients. She was too much. She was a bit too direct. People would think that she's being mean. But that wasn't a professional assessment. That was an identity I was protecting because the over-explaining, the softening, the cushioning, the all the ways that I was trying to communicate actually wasn't a communication style. It was armor. And I had gotten very, very good at wearing it. There's something I want to name today. And there's a chance that you say you feel stuck or you know something's off. And you might think, well, I need more information, I need more tools, and then it will shift. Because for sure you are chucking a lot of spaghetti at that ball. I can promise it is not for lack of trying. But changing means letting go of a version of you

When Softening Becomes Armour
Jo Stone (Host) 2:10
you've been loyal to for a really long time. Whether that's the helper, the strong one, the one who holds it all, the one who can do impossible things, who never drops a ball, that identity has done so much for you. It's kept you safe, earned you respect. It's responsible largely for everything that you have. But it's costing you more than you'll ever know. Because beneath that loyalty is a fear that you've never named. If I stop being her, then who am I? And a layer under that. If I stop being her, what if the version that emerges is worse? What if she's selfish? What if she's too much? What if she's unreliable or a bad mother? That shadow version, as we call it, of self is what you're actually protecting against. It's not just the pattern, it's the person you're afraid you'll become without it. Now we talk a lot about identity in my world, and whether you realize it or not, a huge amount of this podcast is actually about your identity. But it's not fixed. It's not a fixed thing. You have changed identities and evolved many times without actually realizing it. When you're a kid, you had a particular identity. When you then become a mother, you had an identity, maybe. You entered a certain industry or a certain profession. Identity comes with all of that. But so much of the identity you're currently holding has craped subconsciously. And so much more of it has been driven by other people's ideas and other people's values instead of your own. That's why something feels a bit off. That's why there's something inside you going, uh, I don't understand. So the version of you on the other side of this work isn't actually a stranger. She's been there the whole time. She's just been waiting for you to stop protecting the old version long enough to let her out. So let me share a little bit about Friday Night Joe and the fear that I had when I decided it was time to unleash her. The first time I shared her with clients, I remember bracing for the fallout. It was a hot seat coaching session. My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, and decades of my old operating system wanted to kick back in to soften it. And the irony is, I started the session by explaining who Friday Night Joe was, which is

Bringing Directness Into Coaching
Jo Stone (Host) 5:16
kind of ironic. But that was my safety mechanism. Okay, this is how I'm going to start responding. But interestingly, afterwards, whether they were just all lovely and giving me lots of validation, like, we like Friday Night Joe. And now they turn up to hot seats, people turn up to my retreats, they turn up to sessions, they're like, is Friday Night Joe here today? Because Friday Night Joe lands things that the other version often spent 20 minutes cushioning was actually more useful. Friday Night Joe is cleaner. She just says the thing. But I have to trust that my clients would take exactly what they need from what I share. And really importantly, it wasn't my job to protect them from themselves. That's right. My over-responsibility patterns meant I was taking responsibility for how they absorbed my words. But the thing that really surprised me most about when I started stepping into Friday Night Joe more often and not just on a Friday night, was she took less energy, not more. And it was fun. It was actually so much easier and so much more fun to be me when I put down all the shit that I was worried about. And I could access her on Tuesday at 10 o'clock or Sunday at four. I didn't always need the wine and the zero Friday night fuck count to actually step into her. That's the thing I need to share about this version of you that is lying within you that you've been protecting yourself from. She doesn't cost more. She costs less. And she's so much easier to live with. You've just never been given the scaffolding to get there safely without embracing this whole fake it to you, make it bullshit. Now we do this so well. I want to share with you a story about Lindsay. Lindsay, adore her, just a wonderful human. Lindsay's very tall and spent most of her life trying to take up less space because of her natural presence. She had lots of neutral clothes, she had this quiet presence, and she really avoided doing anything that would make her stand out more than she already did. She definitely didn't wear heels, let's be clear.

Lindsay And The Crazy Craft Lady
Jo Stone (Host) 7:50
So in our work together, and we take people through a process of doing this, she locked in on a memory she had of when she was a kid of this crazy craft lady. This lady had wore bold colors, colors that clashed, patterns. She was wild. She was crazy. She embraced the mess. She did things that seemed a bit weird, and she loved it. And so Lindsay decided, oh my God, I need to be more crazy craft lady. I need to take up space. I need to own my stuff. I need to take risks like she does. I need to stand in my full height. And I love the day Lindsay sent me a picture. She took Crazy Craft Lady shopping and bought a whole new wardrobe. And then she did the work slowly to evolve her identity, to let go of the old one, to step into the new one with support, of course. And then one day she shared, I just walked into a conference full of men in heels, wearing a hot pink blazer, and I owned the damn room. Because she did. Crazy Craft Lady didn't stay an alter ego. She just became who Lindsay was. That's what this identity work actually looks like. It's not this performative, yay, I'm gonna be this thing. It's a bridge from who you've been to who you actually are, and built with the right support and tools and frameworks and community, so you get there faster and it actually sticks. This is what we do, and this is what changes everything. Because everything you have at the moment hangs off your identity. If you're reliable, then you act this way. If you are the helper, then you act this way. So we can play whack-a-mole with all your crazy behaviors, but until we actually get to the identity, to the source of what sits under it, nothing is ever going to last. Now, this is the part where most women usually leave. Not physically, you might still be walking, listening, doing whatever you're doing. But mentally. You've recognized yourself. Maybe you've gone, oh shit, I'm hiding too. I'm softening too. I'm not saying the thing too. I wonder what my Friday night Joe or Crazy Craft Lady version of me could be. What could happen if I become more me? If I become more unleashed. And then

The Quiet Habit Of Waiting
Jo Stone (Host) 10:30
quietly, without making an actual decision, they go, oh, not a good time. I'll do that later. They put themselves back at the bottom of the list with really good logical reasons. Sensible, responsible ones that feel very familiar, and they move on with their week. But before you do that, I want to say something to the woman who even has the tiniest bit of curiosity or interest will tug in them, going, hmm, what's this thing that Joe does? I wonder what what her stuff is. What's balance and beyond? And the but that just arrived in your head. Oh, oh, that sounds interesting. But it's not a good time. But I don't have the money. But I'm too busy. I'll do it when things settle down. I want to say this as kindly and directly as I can from Friday Night Joe. What you have just described is the exact pattern I talk about. I'm not saying this to shame you. It's because I've seen this pattern run hundreds, thousands of times. The pattern putting yourself at the bottom doesn't arrive waving a flag, going, oh, congratulations, you just put yourself at the bottom of the list. It doesn't work that way. It sounds sensible. It sounds like the right, responsible thing to do because you have commitments, because you have responsibilities. But there will never, ever, ever be a good time. I can promise you that. The mortgage will always be there. The kids will always have a need. There will always be another season. There is always something else that needs you before you need you. And deep down, you already know that. But there is a woman listening to this who knows, not thinks, knows in her gut, in her heart, in the deepest parts of her being, that she wants to feel back in control of her life. And she wants to feel like herself again. Not a different self, herself.

Ready Is A Decision
Jo Stone (Host) 12:53
She keeps waiting for the external circumstances to all line up perfectly before she gives herself permission to do something about it. But ready is not a feeling. Ready is a decision. And that decision is actually the first thing that starts to get you back in control. Now I know I know there's a part of you probably going, yeah, Joe, this sounds amazing. I'd be in if I didn't have a kid with high needs, if I'm not headed away for holidays soon, if my mum wasn't sick. Look, my industry requires these hours of me. My life is different. That might work for other people. Sounds lovely. I was that woman too. I thought I was the exception. Every single woman in here thinks she's the exception. But you are not. And the irony is that the biggest change begins with saying yes, not to a program, but to yourself. And if that yes happens to lead you inside balance and beyond, this is what waits for you. Over 12 weeks, we will get underneath the patterns that keep recreating the same life. Not just what you're doing, but what is actually driving it so we can rewire it at the source. Most women already know what to do. They're drowning in insight. They've got books, they've got posters, they've got little things on their phone. But the problem is doing something

What Balance And Beyond Looks Like
Jo Stone (Host) 14:32
different while life is still life. Sure, take yourself off to a desert island with a pina colada and a Hemsworth, and life will be all roses. But inside Balance and Beyond, you have to learn to catch the pattern as it's happening. In the meeting, at bedtime, when you're about to hit the pillow, when you're trying to read a kid a story, you've got to grab it, interrupt it in the moment, and choose something different in real time, in your life. Not just in theory, not in best case scenario. We've done this with over 500 women. They come in scared and very, very skeptical, every single one of them. They leave having stopped white-knuckling it. They stop rehearsing conversation that have never happened, and they finally stop carrying things that were never theirs. They get dinner back, holidays back, their brain back. So if you have been telling yourself, I need more balance, I want to feel less burnt out, I want less stress, I need better boundaries, what I know is underneath that surface-level desire, which feels very real, you want to get your own life back. You want to be present in the life you've got. You want to stop living braced, waiting for the other shoe to drop and to actually feel like yourself again. It's not a luxury. It's not something that you add to the, oh, do that later when life settles down list. That's the whole point. And as somebody who has done this, you don't have to blow up your life to get there. You don't have to quit the job or wait until you hit the wall or call me from hospital, which has what has happened multiple times. There are better ways. And the version of you that you are terrified of becoming, she might not cost more. She might actually cost less. Doors are closing soon. If you've been thinking about this, now is your time. Not because it's convenient, it will never be. But because you're done. And you know it in your gut and in your heart, in the deepest parts of your soul. The link is in your show notes to find out more. And if you want to talk it through first, book a call. My team will be absolutely honest with you about whether this is the right fit. But don't wait until you feel ready, because ready is what happens after you decide, not before. This is your yes. Own it, and I'll see you inside. Thanks for joining me today. If this episode resonated, share it with a woman who needs to hear it. And if you want to be part of the Ripple Effect, leaving a review helps it reach the women it's meant for.