That wobble you feel when a bigger role lands, the visibility ramps up, or the stakes suddenly feel higher? We’re not convinced it means you’re failing. We think it might mean you’re growing.

We talk about the difference between branches and roots: the external markers of success we can all see, and the internal strength that actually holds you steady when the wind blows. If your “old way” of succeeding relied on white knuckling, perfectionism, over-functioning, and proving yourself, it makes sense that those habits come calling the moment things get hard. They worked before. The problem is the price you pay: long hours, broken boundaries, second-guessing, and that 3 am ceiling-stare where you suddenly feel like you need another qualification to be “enough”.

We also dig into a tricky dynamic in women’s leadership and corporate culture: when someone successful tells you how to do it, their certainty can overpower your own emerging self-trust. That’s where self-abandonment can masquerade as being strategic or professional. We share practical ways to build internal evidence through real-world reps: letting work go out imperfectly, delegating without rescuing, holding a boundary when breaking it would be easier, and taking feedback while still deciding what belongs to you.

If you’re navigating career growth, imposter syndrome, burnout risk, or a shift towards more sustainable success, press play. Then subscribe, share this with a woman who’s levelling up, and leave a review so more people can find the conversation. What’s one “root” you’re building this week?

Episode Transcript

INTRO: Welcome to Balance and Beyond, the podcast for women who've outgrown the old model of success. The ones who look fine on the outside but know the way they've been living no longer fits. If you're standing in the space between who you were and who you're becoming, this is for you. Honour the space you've created today. Let's dive in. 

More visibility, a bigger opportunity, a seat at a different table. And suddenly, the ways you've always known how to succeed start calling you back. Did you know a tree grows in two directions at once? As its branches stretch higher, its roots have to travel deeper because eventually the wind is going to blow. And the question is whether your roots are strong enough to hold you there. We have this really interesting conundrum where, as a culture and a society, we celebrate visible growth. Promotions, bigger roles, extra projects, visibility, money, houses, influence, all the things. But nobody claps for roots. Trees can only get taller with the same level of depth in their roots. If you don't have those deep roots, the tidal hint of a breeze comes, and you are going to be presented with a very, very wobbly problem. This is the same pattern that I see in successful women all the time. They've risen to another level, they've hit their upper limit and attempted to blast through it.

Usually it involves a lot more exposure, a lot more uncertainty, different level of judgment required. And the evidence they had has completely disappeared. Their old level of success knew the rules, knew how to succeed, knew who they were there. But by definition, breaking through an upper limit involves moving beyond your familiar versions of success. I've had this multiple times with recent clients where everything is going really great and they come to a call and they're like, oh my God, Joe, I've started questioning everything. Maybe I'm not ready, maybe I've got this wrong, especially when choosing, especially when they're choosing to succeed differently this time. Let's say you're someone whose old way of working involved a whole lot of white knuckling. Working harder than everyone, perfecting it, controlling it more, proving yourself to no end. You have thousands of reps in those strategies. And really, really importantly, they worked. They got you promotions, they got you the recognition you needed. They probably got your house, your reputation. Now, let's say you decide, okay, I don't really want to work that way anymore. So at the level you're at, you learn boundaries, you stop rescuing, you start speaking up, you stop proving yourself. And that muscle can work for a time. You're comfortable at your existing level, conditions are calm, you're like, right, I've got this, Joe. I'm nailing it. But then the wind starts blowing, the bigger role comes up. Maybe it's a gnarly project. Lots of people are going through restructures at the moment. Maybe there's more visibility, more stakes that feel much, much higher than they were. And while you've been living from this different place, well, as it gets windy, that old strategy looks incredibly sensible right now. Maybe I should just check it again. Yeah, yeah, Joe says something's better than perfect. But this one's going to blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I know I could delegate that to my team, but it's probably just easier if I do it and the stakes feel really high. Oh, I'd really need to put in those boundaries. I'm working too many hours at the moment and I've not got enough time for myself. But gosh, we've just got to get through this project. And then once we're through this period, I'll pull back and I'll put those boundaries back in. Hello. Old success strategy. Dressed up as good judgment. The seduction is so much stronger because you have so much evidence that it works. Meanwhile, this new way of being, maybe you're stepping into your flow more, maybe you're trusting yourself more, you're not perfecting things, you're delegating them, whatever it is. Well, this new way doesn't have a whole lot of evidence at the next level you want to play at. You haven't got decades worth of trust or proof that this way is going to work.

And then as you step up, other people can really intensify that wobble. Let's say somebody says to you, Oh, Joe, you're presenting at board level now, you're going to have to add a few more frameworks, you're going to have to use a bit more jargon, or you're going to have to dial down the swearing, or you're going to have to do this, or you're going to have to do that. Now, when somebody successful says, here's how this needs to be done, there's also a chance that perhaps their way resembles your old way. Now you have an incredibly dangerous combination here. They have huge amounts of certainty. And you have a whole lot of unfamiliarity. So you now have them, their ego, their significance, their status calling back to that old version of you that was like, yes, you're right. I probably should prove myself. Oh, maybe I don't know enough. Oh, maybe I am not strategic enough. Oh, and so you backpedal, and there is this really alluring temptation to cross the room, to leave your own deep inner knowing and stand beside theirs. It's at this point in time that self-abandonment can look incredibly professional. Well, Jerry, the stakes are higher. I have to prepare more, I have to get some more data. In reality, all that's happened is you stopped trusting the way you were building it because someone else sounded more certain. If you have spent so long operating one way, which usually has a really, really high price to pay, and now you've found a better way. You found a way that doesn't involve so much energy. You've got rid of a lot of that weight. You're not carrying everybody else physically, emotionally, energetically. It's just you. And before you know it, you're back staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m., thinking you need to do a diploma or a degree or get an MBA because you're not qualified enough. Meanwhile, the person who you actually are, who could have deep self-trust, who could not second guess themselves, who can make good decisions and still be wrong about them and be okay with that, that person evaporates.

What you need is you need to ensure that you have built deep enough roots. You have enough internal evidence that you know you can operate a certain way, even when no one validates it. That you can stand and hold yourself, your decisions, your imperfections through the discomfort of somebody else not liking the way you do things or giving you feedback that you should do it another way. There's a time where you have to sit there and go, I am going to build my roots under pressure, not just when everything feels easy. That might mean you have to allow someone to disagree with you without immediately changing course. Because your gut says, no, this is the way something needs to be done. You've got to make sure that your boundary can survive the moment when breaking it would genuinely make things easier. Each one of those things becomes another little piece of root, another anchoring into the ground, letting that thing go out imperfectly without rushing in to rescue it or fix it or polish it. There is a certain level of allure of being professional and strategic. And the corporate world has quite a lot of rules for how that works and looks. But what we need is more women who are doing this their own way. Now, if you want to walk in to a board meeting in a hot pink suit, channeling your best L Woods with a pen with a fluffy thing on top, be my guest, go for it. I'm not saying you have to dress up like a man, but I'm saying you need to do those reps of self-trust in the moments that make you wobble. It doesn't mean that you ignore feedback. You can take it, you can interrogate it and go that work for them. You have the right to decide what belongs to you. And your growth may require new skills that you legitimately don't have. But you do not have to abandon yourself in order to get there. A tree doesn't just stop growing its branches to grow its roots. You need to learn to do both simultaneously. Lots of external growth without matching internal growth is going to make you top heavy. But this wobble you have as you expand into the next level of you, the wobble isn't a warning to retreat. It could be a signal that your roots now need to catch up with your branches. And the bigger question becomes as you grow into whatever is next for you, what needs to grow underneath so you can actually hold it when the wind starts blowing.