Are you ok if I take a shower now?
Are you ok if I grab a bite to eat?
Are you ok if I head off now?
I used to find myself using this language ALL THE TIME!
What was I doing?
I was asking for permission.
To shower. To fuel my body. To go somewhere I needed to be.
This is ingrained in women, and I'm seeing this come up more and more lately.
As we become successful, we worry about our light shining on others, so we diminish ourselves not to offend anyone.
Tall poppy syndrome runs deep, and I know how much we worry about others thinking we're selfish, but oh my goodness! We have to stop this madness!
You must take back your power and decide to not offend anyone by taking up space.
Giving away your power won't make people like you more. Giving it away doesn't make you more accepted. Giving it away doesn't make you more successful.
Giving your power away makes you resentful, guilty and miserable!
It puts the needs of everyone else above your own. It makes you absent from your life. And what's worse, is you get even more frustrated, because you can see it happening and nothing changes.
To be clear, there's a difference between discussing something with someone, bouncing around ideas and giving away your power.
Giving away your power means you get the other person's opinion before you form your own. It means you give their thoughts greater weight, and consider what you want in response to how another will react.
It's you at the bottom of a very long list.
It's that feeling of being lost, not knowing who you are anymore.
It's feeling invisible and unappreciated, despite spending your life doing things for others.
But the hard truth is, nothing will change until you stop asking permission.
No one will ever give you permission to take your power back. It's yours. They've got used to you doing everything, so there's nothing really in this for them.
You simply have to take it back.
You decide that you matter. You declare that your needs are valid. Then, you decide based on what you want, irrespective of what another thinks or feels.
And when you do this?
The resentment evaporates. You get your spark back. You feel joy again. You start being seen as a woman of influence at work. People suddenly start listening to you again. Life becomes lighter and easier.
I know what you're thinking... 'Jo, that sounds so simple.' That's because it is. Simple... but not easy.
One of the most rewarding things I do is help women reclaim their power. To help put them back on the map that is their life and wake them up to all the goodness that's right in front of them.
All it takes is a simple decision. I'm ready. I choose me. I'm going to get help from someone, because I clearly can't do this alone.
While your family or partner may find all manner of logical reasons why you shouldn't spend any money or time on yourself, they will never regret you getting your spark back or being calmer. More fun. More you.
I've had husbands email me to say 'thank you for giving me my wife back.' These were husbands who didn't think she should have invested in my program, mind you.
Consider this email your permission slip, if you need it.
You can take your power back. Right here. Right now.
Do something for yourself. Something that you want. Banish any fear of being selfish.
If you want help getting your power back, take the first step and say yes to getting help. Reach out and let's talk about what it takes to claim your rightful place as the leading lady in your own life.
It's a decision you will never regret.
P.S. Asking for permission can take various forms, so I encourage you to see how this plays out in your life. Often, the more successful you are at work, the more you default to this role at home, which spells danger for your relationships. If you want to stop, book that call and let's talk.